Loaded Question on the Horizon

Who are you is a pretty loaded question when you pose it to a working mom.  Who am I?  How do you answer that question without getting to involved.  Do you simply state your name, well of course – but they’re looking for more that just that here Can.  I am a a Mom.  A Wife.  A Sister.  A Daughter.  A selfless all the time running on empty yet somehow full to keep go-go-going working-mommy/wife.  I must hash tag working mom problems out loud every day at least once and a few times a month in social networking.  Who are you?  I am Téa and Cameron’s Mommy.  I am Richard’s wife.  I am a sister to my two amazing sisters and a daughter to my wonderful parents.  I am an Assistant Project Manager to a group of three in reality but one other thinks he gets my undivided attention very demanding time consuming Project Managers in a fast paced demanding Electrical business.  I am a wannabe mommy-crafter, DIY-er and wish I was the next top chef but lets face it, I’ve burnt water.  So as you see it is a loaded question.. 

Mommy is who I want to be all the time.  I find it a struggle to really balance working life and mommy life.  I must check on my kids beyond 50 times a day while they are being cared for by my Mom.  I work on average 36 hours a week, it should be 40+ but I never actually get in on time or stay a full day because something always comes up.  That alone makes me a shitty employee.  I spend my days at work thinking about what I could be doing with my kids if I had the time to spend with them.  That makes me a shitty mother.  I can’t win in this battle of working-mom.  I feel like I am letting them down by leaving them for 10 hours a day (factor in drive time), five days a week.  Mommy is who they thinks feeds them dinner, bathes them and tucks them in at night.  I am not the one who kisses their forehead all day, watch as they play with their toys, learn new things and get to see the look of amazement and discovery on their face.  I am the one who carts them around on weekends to get errands done and visit family.  Who neglects the house work to get in just a few minutes of quality time before bed.  Which makes me a shitty wife.

Yet, I am not alone.  There are other working-moms, with their own #workingmomproblems who feel just like I do.  I know this, my husband reminds me of this each day I text him feeling an overwhelming amount of guilt and sadness that I have again left my kids.  Part of me wants to say to hell with nice things, lets live in a box so Mommy can be with you all day every day.  Yet I know this isn’t the way of the world.  My kids need a roof, food on the table and bills need to get paid.  So I must go to work. 

Who are you?, you ask…

I am shitty.